.black.and.white.[goodbyes].

The summer coming to an end, and me being the party planner I am, I pulled together a Black and White bash to end the summer in true fashion. Unlike normal people, I keep my parties exclusive and hence did not invite anyone other than my group of friends. Setting up took so much of my energy. We made several favors, and Set up hundreds of Christmas lights and prepared a bunch of food and such. I knew this party was when I would have to say goodbye to the two girls leaving for college, Anna and Shaunzi. Both would suck badly, because I was saying goodbye to two girls who were in love with me. Which as much as that just sounds like me bragging that girls love me, was true. I was parting with girls that honestly had a huge part of my life and I had a huge part of theirs. It wasn't going to be easy and we knew that.

As the party unfolded the kids (my nickname for the younger of my friends; Those still in high school) each said their goodbyes to Anna and Shaunzi and the party was winding down. Unfortunately for the three of us, we were left with the task of cleaning everything up, mean while thinking about saying goodbye and how much it was going to suck.

I had set up what I thought I would say to each of them, and had prepared the “straight boy” response to anything they may say. The plan quickly became that Anna and I would say goodbye first and I would txt Shaunzi to come out when we were done. Shaunzi and Anna said goodbye before Anna came outside to see me. I know that their goodbyes must have been intense, seeing as I sat in my car for a good 15 minutes before Anna came outside.

“Hi” She greeted.

“Hey, How was it?”

“It was good.” She seemed a bit drained, but ready to plow through yet another downer goodbye.

"Anna, You know I love you, right?"

"Yes and I love you Chase." I will cut out what I think is a personal conversation. But we went through everything about liking eachother, even though I knew I was gay, I had built up a relationship with Anna, and she was important to me. Just because I'm gay, doesn't mean I don't like the companionship that girls bring. They are much more loving that boys at most points in life. Anna asked me about moving, and what I thought would happen to everyone. Honestly, I thought the group would survive anything. I reassured her that nothing could ever tear apart the group and we would all be friends forever. I knew I would see Anna and that this wasn't truly goodbye, but it was hard. I'm not a huge cryer, but I couldn't help but being truly upset. I kept saying, "Anna, I love you! and I will miss you SO much." She and I said goodbye and I watched her leave. It was like watching part of your life hop in a car and leave the rest of you standing in the cold. Anna is a blessed girl and she deserves nothing but the best in this world, but that doesn't mean I get to spend time with her while she gets the best... I forget that sometimes.

Once Anna had gone, Shaunzi came outside, and I knew it was going to be hard. She had already cried with Anna, and I couldn't be much easier. Shaunzi is a special woman. She puts her heart into life... into her friends. I am only blessed to have her as a friend. As she walked out into the cold I had a feeling this would be the hardest thing I would do all year.

"Chase, what am I going to do without you."

"Shaunzi, you will be fine, and you will see me all the time. I don't care if I have to drive up to logan once a month just to see you. I will." Little did I know It was going to cost me a bunch of money in gas keeping my promise! I loved the fact that no matter how hard the situation was both of us had a solution to the problems we were facing. Most people think, "oh my friend is moving to logan... I guess I only get to see them on breaks and such." WE think, "Every other weekend you come up here, and I'll go down there." The PERFECT plan.

After literally freezing my self do death, I gave Shaunzi a huge hug, and said goodnight for the last time. It took me a good hour and a half to get through the Goodbyes. And honestly, I enjoyed it. I look back now, and feel like I really made the situation the best that I could have. Between the Kick ASS party, and the perfectly molded "straight-boy" responses... I think It was successful. I drove home feeling greatly satisfied, and parked outside my house for another half an hour. I didn't cry, but I had to take in everything that had happened. I let my body soak in the love of my friends. I let myself truly breathe and feel like I was important to the world. Something that didn't happen often before I came out. It's hard to be truly happy like that when you aren't being completely honest with yourself.

Black and White 2009 was simply one of the best nights of the year. I don't think the world could put a price on that night. You can't buy that kind of perfection.