.my.first.[real].conversation.

Within the next few days I added Jordan on facebook. Once he accepted I wrote on his wall apologizing for the extreme awkwardness and asking about his audition for SYTYCD. He sent me a message saying it was no big deal, told me about not making the show, and left his number. Being the little gay boy I was, I was nervous about using the number. I kept the messages alive by asking about his life. It got to talking about me and being gay. By this time, he had told me I could txt him because facebook was taking forever.

Jordan and I made the decision that we should do something fun… for him this meant getting me out of Utah county so I could be more of myself. I was thrilled to do so, and we ended up going to gateway. Talking to him that day was extremely weird for me. It was like I had been asleep for 18 years, and was just then waking up and having the first conversation outside of dreams. I was really being me, and not the character I had been playing for all of those years. I had an extreme headache and my mind was running faster than it had ever in my life. While in a furniture store, my mom called me asking where I was. Of course I wasn’t’ going to tell her, ‘ I’m with Jordan Mikesell at the gateway shopping!’ so I told her I was in between sacraments and that I would be home around 4. She knew something was up, but didn’t ask much more.

Jordan and I left gateway and went to his parents’ house. He had been house-sitting for them, and it was vacant. I was stressing pretty bad at this point so we watched a few movies to calm down a bit. Although my brain hadn’t spun so terribly in my life, that day is still one of the best ever. It is unmatchable in the fact that I was finally myself. It was euphoric. I knew I was on track to coming out.