.choir.[tour].1.

The quick gist of prep for tour, was that I wasn’t going to go. I ended up taking a spot of Todd’s ex-best friend and would be in a room with Todd. It was rapidly becoming very exciting…

The tour would consist of Driving in a bus to California, Sea world, Disneyland, More Disneyland, and another bus ride home. I will try and explain as much of the tour as possible, seeing as this was a pivotal point in many of my friends and my own relations…

Driving TO California was beyond fun. I sat next to Rachel and we stayed up extremely late laughing about our txt tone being “Kim Possible”… :) I was a little disappointed because Todd had talked up the bus ride and told me we were going to have a bunch of fun driving down, but I couldn’t seem to find him… he disappeared with Megan Crosland or someone… Skipping stupid details, we arrived in the hotel, and began to set up sleeping arrangements. Todd and I had previously discussed that I would pull the “I like sleeping on the floor” card so that we wouldn’t have to deal with the drama of people calling us gay. But truly I could’ve cared less… and we both shouldn’t have worried because I’ve never seen so much homosexuality come out of supposedly straight men in my life… given that all of our roommates were on top of each other practically ALL the time.

That night I slept terribly. It would’ve been so much better being on the bed, but I wanted to respect what Todd wanted, and if that meant being miserable I was ok with that…
My timeline may be completely faulty, but the next event was SeaWorld. I think… well yes, I’m skipping the rather mediocre tour memories, and jumping to the important ones. The day in SeaWorld was brilliant we had a group of 7 people. This included myself, Shaunzi, Rachel, Kara, Amberly, Whitney, and Todd. We were perfect that day. Everything went sooo amazingly and we were all really happy. It was easy for us to decide what to do, and the pictures were incredible. I remember feeling so at ease with life that day. The whole group was accepting of one another and it was all going really well.

I do believe the conversation from hell happened that night. Mind you, I to this day don’t know why this bothered me so much, me being gay. But, driving back to the hotel, a conversation was started about marrying an RM (Returned Missionary)… I knew at that point in my life that I was questioning the mission. And Whether I was going to be able to come out before, and if not, if I would serve a good mission knowing I was gay. Kara, Amberly, Rachel, Shaunzi and plenty of other girls on the bus loved to pipe into the conversation… but the one that really pissed me off was Kara… because I had some dream of me and her getting married, stupid because of two reasons, 1 – I’m gay. 2 – I hate the idea of marriage. I can’t explain why it pissed me off, but it did. And only until recently have I had to deal with that conversation. Looking back I realize that a lot of the ideas that Kara was vocalizing were really coming from Amberly, who I’ve learned to healthily hate. (We’ve accepted we hate each other, and we are civil and treat one another with respect whilst still hating).

It’s looking like I’m going to split Choir tour into 3 parts. This will be the end of the first phase. I was on the fence about my friendship with Kara, and was secretly dreading the start of our days in Disneyland, seeing as I have a terrible history with the place.